Tuesday, October 28, 2008

This I Believe - National Public Radio Essay

Mom and Dad are in their mid-seventies, live in a Manhattan condo and play bridge. My sister and I are in our forties, married with children, living in the suburbs. We are a family like many; there are deep strains among members, which have led to times of estrangement, but lately we crowd around a table at Thanksgiving.

My sister and her husband have two birth children. My husband and I adopted our daughter from Siberia five years ago. Oddly, she resembles my dead Polish grandmother.

I believe when it comes to wills and estates, parents should treat their children equally. Uneven treatment between siblings poisons their relationship. I know. And the anger is carried forth to the next and future generations.

When it comes to money, my parents have always been secretive and unwilling to talk. That’s fine; it’s their money. But enough has leaked out for me to know that when they die the bulk of their estate will skip my generation and be divided equally among their three grandchildren. This means my sister’s kids will receive 66%; my child will get 33%.

While I find comfort in knowing my daughter will inherit enough to pay college tuition 12 years from now, I believe my sister’s family benefits disproportionately, simply because she has two kids. We could not, even if we wanted, afford to undertake a second adoption.

I wish my parents understood how hurt I am. To me a 50/50 split between sisters says we love you both the same. That’s an important comfort, even for a grown woman with her own family.

Sadly, my parents don’t care what I think. I have fought with them bitterly on the subject – sometimes screaming at each other in a diner; at other times talking more civilly in therapy. We remain at odds.

My mother and I used to be as close as two front teeth. Our relationship deteriorated after I got divorced in the mid-90s. She thought I was crazy to leave a man who made a lot of money. Remarrying did little to console her. My sister, once more distant from my mother, stepped into the void.

The closer my sister and mother grew, the more hollowed I felt. Confused, I blamed my sister for my parents’ choices about their estate, and we did not speak for four years. I shut out her children. My daughter, now six, didn’t know for several years she had two young cousins.

Not long ago, I called my sister to rekindle our friendship. Lucky for me, and everyone else, it wasn’t too late. But I worry. I worry that feelings of anger and hurt will resurface the day my parents’ will is read.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Smoke and Mirrors

My husband and I just purchased a wood-burning fireplace insert. Like everybody else we are fretting over astronomical oil and gas prices, and we’re looking for proactive ways to avoid being exploited by petro-chemical titans. We shopped for the insert this summer, and although it costs a pretty penny, we decided it would pay for itself over the course of a few winters.

When the salesman came to measure our hearth, he said, “You better snap this up fast, it’s my last one.” I didn’t appreciate the used-car-salesman shtick but we agreed to move swiftly. They subsequently came back to measure for $150, and then, a required chimney cleaning for $225. Cha ching!

A week before our appointment, we called to go over the details of the job. “There’s a mistake on the quote,” we said. “The cost for the chimney liner should be sales tax-exempt because it is a capital improvement.” No, Ms. Traster,” said the chipper salesman. “We’ve always charged tax on that. That’s the way we’ve done it forever.”

Maybe so but it’s wrong. New York State Taxing Authority (publication 862) says the “addition or compete replacement of flue or liner (metal or foam) is a capital improvement. We faxed the proof. The salesman didn’t like hearing this, and he said he’d get back to us.

Two days before our scheduled installation, we called again because we never got a return call. Begrudgingly he admitted that we were right. “You’ve caused us extra work,” he told us. “And all you’re saving is $47.” Hmm $47. That’s a tank of gas. I’ll take it, thanks!

Two sad things emerge from this experience. Being treated like a pesky kindergarten student is never a good way to deal with a customer. We were simply asserting our rights to be free from an inappropriate tax – rights many consumers do not know they have. Frankly, they should have shown a little gratitude.

The bigger issue is that New York legislators should take a second look at the tax code. The chimney liner is tax exempt but the Norwegian fuel-efficient insert is not. Fire inserts should be tax-exempt in order to encourage people to wean themselves off of fuel. The state’s rationale is that home-owners can take their fire-inserts when they move, but after watching the two guys install my fire insert for four hours I know that is totally ludicrous. Not only would that insert be nearly impossible to remove – part of the job involved cutting the damper door, which rendered the fireplace useless.

A little bit of logic and honesty – and a new look at the legislation -- might be another good green solution. Anyone listening?